Everything’s A Hazard

What causes fear, anxiety and stress in someone’s life? I’d like to answer with “My mini-human”, in his defense I have a crazy brain but still, at age two you think he would be a little more understanding of my needs. God, so selfish, like he doesn’t know any better.

Before we moved onto land we had a small lot that we fully fenced in, and there were no ponds, no random wild animals that could potentially ruin his day, no way of getting lost amongst the woods and what not. But here, good lord.

Even when we were first considering moving up here I knew the woods were going to stress me out because I just keep thinking one day mini-human is going to get loose and go for a walk and get lost. And in my defense THAT ALMOST HAPPENED. However, getting lost in the woods was really the only concern on my mind.

And then we moved in. And I met my neighbor, who by the way is the best, and she has 5 boys of her own. After our almost-losing-mini-human-in-the-woods debacle (he tried to take himself for a walk) we were talking about it and she told me that the woods are her fear not that her little boys will get lost, but because of bears. Ummmm okay that thought hadn’t crossed my mind and I’m not sure why. So then I started to get anxious and I was asking what else were up here; and apart from bears, coyotes, and elk nothing too terribly harmful. Yeah, my brain was already running wildly out of control with this new information, which again I should have assumed there would be bigger critters anyways. I kept thinking that maybe one of the kids was going to ride their bike too close to the forest and a bear was going to charge out, or a little coyote was going to be feral and bite their faces off. And what about cougars??? I know they haven’t seen them up here but surely they make an appearance here and there I would think. I guess because our land butts up to the highway I thought we were exempt from experiencing dangerous animals? Turns out, not true guys.

Then we came across a small pond right up front by the beginning of the forest. Awesome. Now not only do I have to worry about rogue critters but them falling into the water or pushing each other in. In all fairness it’s really difficult to get to the pond as it is surrounded by sticker bushes and all kind of brush but surely my mini’s would find a way.

Then thinking about them falling into the pond and getting stuck made me think ‘well if they can fall in a pond what about a toilet?’. Let me explain, I watch how my mini gets up onto that seat and he puts either hand on the seat (I know gross but this is why we have soap) and then stands up to sit. What if his hand slips and he gives himself a dangerous swirly?

This is what my brain does. It can take something so benign and WHAMP! That is now the source of my fear. Forks? Eyeball skewers. Straws? Throat jabber. Stairs? Back breaker.

I could go on and on but I’m sure you see where I am coming from. And I’m sure you’re thinking “just watch your kids duh” and I do. It’s not like they are partying by themselves all day while I give myself a mani (I should do that soon my nails are ew). These are just the things that run through my brain on the daily. This is why I have Melatonin (because at night that’s when my brain really jumps into full crazy) and Theanine.

Maybe I should try yoga? Or maybe I should just tie the children to chairs for the whole day and sit on the porch so we are still getting our fresh air…..be back later I need to run to Home Depot…