Ache-y Break-y Breasts

So….let me start off by saying that Swamp Monster #1? He was a formula baby all the way. By the time I ramped up my human-juice production he decided it was just better if he remained faithful to his bottle….what a guy. Now, obviously, seeing as how he makes appearances throughout my blog, he survived being a formula fed baby. I hardly survived, but he came out just fine. I felt like I had failed at something; why wouldn’t my milk come in any faster? Why did he fight my breast when the milk came in (I hear guys like those things!)? Was I a bad human and this was my punishment??

Eventually after talking about it I learned that a lot of women actually struggle with breastfeeding. I took comfort in knowing that it wasn’t just me, that I was not that one person out of the whole state of Washington that just couldn’t breastfeed. And as I type that an re-read it that almost sounds selfish…finding comfort in other mom’s struggles as well? But you get what I mean. So that was that. Swamp Monster #1 was put on formula after a week or two and we never looked back.

Fast forward to my next boy; I had it set in my mind that I was going to breastfeed….or try to again. For months I was my own kind of superhero….Princess Google-Warrior! I looked up so many different things in preparation for little one; things I could do before birth to help, what I should do after birth, what I shouldn’t do, and the list goes on and on. Fun fact, Princess Google-Warrior discovered that pre-birth? Yeah there isn’t a lot you can do for breastfeeding prep. You might be able to start herbal supplements a couple weeks before your due date but that depends on what your doctor feels like is best for you and baby. If you recall in earlier posts my baby came four-weeks early sooooooo….I never had the luxury of trying to figure out if I should start my supplements or not…my sweet sweet baby decided for me. Once our newest family member made his grand entrance I immediately asked my OB and the rounding pediatrician if I could start my supplements, to which they agreed that it was totally fine to start them now that baby was out.

However, one little supplement wasn’t fixing my problems. For some illogical reason I thought that after my first little supplement and the first couple tries with baby on the breast I would magically produce gallons upon gallons of liquid gold. Turns out it still was not going to be that easy. After many visit with my lactation nurse on the Family Birth Center Floor (she probably cringed every time my nurses paged her) she advised that something that would help get my production going would be to have baby try and feed every two-hours, and then immediately after pump both breasts for 15-minutes. Sounded totally easy-peasy at the time, and boy how wrong was I. Basically if there wasn’t a baby attached to me trying to feed there was a machine just pumping away. And to boot, I was going into day four post-partum with my new pumping regimen AND taking my supplements and still….nothing. Obviously our new bundle was on supplemental formula, but my concern was that he would get complacent with formula and prefer the bottle nipple as opposed to my own. And that would just be rude.

Eventually, my milk did come in, I pumped a solid two ounces (and if you’re thinking that isn’t very much, well in breastfeeding world you would be wrong) and I celebrated by screaming at The Hubs to look at my milk. I had no idea what helped. Was it my supplement? Was it all the additional pumping? Was it all the food I was eating to try and make sure my body had enough formula producing goodness? Was it the breast massages my sister gave me while I was feeding? In honesty it was probably a combination of everything. I WON!

Well…..I thought I won…..and that first battle I did…

Shortly after round two came around. This time I was not fighting myself and trying to make milk, this battle was mommy versus baby, final show down. After a couple weeks (was it one or two weeks? Who knows the first month was a blur) I noticed that it started to hurt a little when I fed, I chalked it up to just having someone constantly pulling and tugging on me, I thought it was totally normal. I also noticed that a couple of little white spots showed up on my nipple, but again I thought it was fine and going to go away by itself. And then I started dreading feedings, my poor nips were so sensitive. Every time the baby woke up I knew I would be going through the excruciating pain of feeding my son, it was a unique kind of pain, and I honestly have no idea to describe what it felt like. But, I will tell you it was so painful my face constantly contorted into a hideous mask when my son latched and the entire time he fed I wanted to cry and punch things. Then I saw why, my poor nips had red bumps on them, they were extremely dry, and the little white bumps now morphed into ‘white stuff’ that had grown and covered half my nipples. What in the world was going on?!?!?! Again, Princess Google-Warrior rode into battle, and even though she was as vague as could be with her searches some answers had been discovered.

Apparently, unbeknownst to me, a babies latch has a huge affect on feedings, and I thought that I had my latch down perfectly because I had felt fine and baby boy was getting enough milk to be satisfied, and at first the feedings didn’t hurt, and his latch hadn’t changed in weeks. But as I watched multiple video’s on YouTube with properly latched babies and video’s on how to replicate the latch I decided to try it out on my little. And oh sweet Baby Ray’s if that was not the most magical feeling. Once I got my nipple to ‘the safe zone’ my feeding game did a 180, I didn’t secretly wish that my baby would just skip a meal, I didn’t want to cry every time he latched, things were looking up.

But what about that ‘white stuff’? Turns out it was thrush. Now, you see, a week before hand my son went in for one of his many newborn checkups and one of the things his doctor noticed was that there was the smallest patch of white that had started on his lower lip-apparently it was thrush. I literally had no idea that I would need to physically pull my child’s lip out and check for something like that, nobody told me. Something else nobody told me…..my son and I can pass thrush back and forth. So, while he was being treated I was still wondering what was causing the white on my nipples. I realize I should have put two and two together a lot sooner, but I was a wee bit tired and not all of my brain function was back. One day while sitting on the couch I thought ‘hey self, google if nipple thrush is a thing’, AND IT IS. My son’s pediatrician didn’t ask if I had white spots on my breasts which probably would have saved me an extra week of uncomfortable breast area issues. Then I researched what I could do to get rid of my thrush; did you know if you’re breastfeeding and your baby is put on oral liquid for their thrush you can put it in the pocket of their lip then immediately feed them and the medication will help you too? And luckily I was able to get in four days worth of feeds while my son was still on his medication so my thrush was going away, but it wasn’t completely gone. So back to Google I went to see if there were any home remedies, and I found one mom who used a combination of Grapefruit Seed Extract and water and applied it to the nipple area after feedings and it worked at getting the last bit of thrush gone. So, if you’re a home-remedies kinda gal look into Grapefruit Seed Extract if you get thrush, bonus, she said she used it on her little one and it even got rid of babies thrush. But obviously you might want to check with your pediatrician first.

I have to say I am glad that I get to experience breastfeeding this time around and that special bond that only me and my son share in that moment, but, if I’m being completely honest, it’s a lot of flipping work. Totally worth it, but a lot of work.

So, if you’re a breastfeeding mommy, way to go. It’s hard, exhausting work that usually goes un-thanked. I guess it’s wrong for me to think my one month old was rude for not writing a speech for me on how grateful he was for my boobs back when I was going through so much pain.

And if you know someone who is a breastfeeding mom, just tell her she’s a rock-star. Because it is seriously hard; mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I would like to end this post with a small story about my oldest son during my breastfeeding trials. When I first started feedings at home I just said to heck with every body else, my breasts are super sensitive (which I eventually fixed with the amazing breast shells I found) so I just stayed free as a baby bird for a while. Which turned out to not be a great idea with a curious four-year old in my house. As I sat feeding my newest baby one afternoon I felt a weird tickle on my other breast. I glance over and there’s the Swamp Monster!! Lips puckered trying to latch on so he “can taste baby brothers food”!! I was mortified, but thankful that he wasn’t able to latch on fully. The Hubs and I could not stop laughing and my toddler was very confused why he wasn’t able to have the same food as his baby brother. Toddler’s….they are way too curious for their own good.