I’m not even sure why I would ever have to ask another human being to not urinate in a sink but here I am, asking not just my Swamp Monster to stop peeing in the sink but also The Hubs. And I fully blame The Hubs for my Swamp Monster’s need to pee in the sink, he was the original sink pisser, he now has a single follower.
You see here’s what happened one day many, many years ago. At some point in the last 11 years I made the mistake of taking too long to use the restroom, and apparently instead of holding it like a normal human or going outside and peeing on a bush like men can do (still a little bitter I can’t just pee wherever I want) he opted to pee in the sink. You know, because it was the perfect height and waking more than five steps to go outside would have been next to impossible. Fast forward through our years together and he still pee’s in the sink, even if he see’s I’m finishing it doesn’t matter, he just uses the sink like a personal urinal. And yes, I understand this is revolting. I’ve tried yelling, screaming, hitting, you name it and he still pee’s in the sink, not as much anymore but still enough to make me cringe. And yes he cleans the sink out but still, freaking gross.
I guess at some point in time in the last four years our Swamp Monster must have seen The Hubs pee in the sink. I didn’t think he had but I was alarmingly wrong. One morning, I found myself with a full bladder, new baby was sound asleep in my room and it had been a particularly long night, so I was not about to risk disturbing the newest member of the crew so that I could pee in my own bathroom. So I headed to Swamp Monster’s bathroom, and naturally he followed because heaven forbid I go to the bathroom by myself. Apparently I was not peeing fast enough, mind you I didn’t even know that he needed to use the bathroom I simply thought ‘okay we’re playing shadow today’, but apparently he really needed to go. I mean really had to go, because next thing I know I look over and he is up on the counter, on his knees, aiming for the sink. Now, if I was thinking at the time I wouldn’t have just screamed out ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP!’ since screaming at people generally startles them, but this is what I did. And in return my child reacted like any normal child and slightly jumped a little (or knee hopped?), and consequently his little stream went off course and got the counter. Of course he thought this was hilarious and of course I captured photo evidence for his future bride and to show The Hubs, but this also meant I now got to clean the kid/guest bathroom, and I loathe cleaning bathrooms.
Of course I sent the photo of Swamp Monster peeing in the sink to The Hubs, and he was quite proud of himself for rubbing off on his son. I was less than thrilled but nobody was asking me how I felt.
It’s true what they say, be careful what you do, because children soak up everything like a little sponge…..little disgusting miniature adult sponges…..